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A funny illustration of the state of the web today: The State of the Web - Summer 2008

“The makefile keeps recompiling itself…when it finishes, it just recompiles itself again.”

John Harry Nancy

The following is a true story.

Last week I walked into a local “home style cookin’ restaurant/watering hole” to pick up a take out order. I spoke briefly to the waitress behind the counter, who told me my order would be done in a few minutes.

So, while I was busy gazing at the farm implements hanging on the walls, I was approached by two, uh, um… well, let’s call them “natives.” These guys might just be the original Texas rednecks–complete with ten-gallon hats, snakeskin boots and the pervasive odor of cheap beer and whiskey.

“Pardon us, ma’am. Mind of we ask you a question?”

Well, people keep telling me that Texans are real friendly, so I nodded.

“Are you a Satanist?”

Well, at least they didn’t ask me if I liked to party.

“Uh, no, I can’t say that I am.”

“Gee ma’am. Are you sure about that?” they asked.

I put on my biggest, brightest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader smile and said, “No, I’m positive. The closest I’ve ever come to Satanism is watching Geraldo.”

“Hmm. Interesting. See, we was just wondering why it is you have the lord of darkness on your chest there.”

I was this close to slapping one of them and causing a scene–then I stopped and noticed the T-shirt I happened to be wearing that day. Sure enough, it had a picture of a small, devilish looking creature that has for quite some time now been associated with a certain operating system. In this particular representation, the creature was wearing sneakers.

They continued: “See, ma’am, we don’t exactly appreciate it when people show off pictures of the devil. Especially when he’s lookin’ so friendly.”

These idiots sounded terrifyingly serious.

Me: “Oh, well, see, this isn’t really the devil, it’s just, well, it’s sort of a mascot.”

Native: “And what kind of football team has the devil as a mascot?”

Me: “Oh, it’s not a team. It’s an operating– uh, a kind of computer.”

I figured that an ATM machine was about as much technology as these guys could handle, and I knew that if I so much as uttered the word “unix” I would only make things worse.

Native: “Where does this satanical computer come from?”

Me: “California. And there’s nothing satanical about it really.”

Somewhere along the line here, the waitress has noticed my predicament–but these guys probably outweighed her by 600 pounds, so all she did was look at me sympathetically and run off into the kitchen.

Native: “Ma’am, I think you’re lying. And we’d appreciate it if you’d leave the premises now.”

Fortunately, the waitress returned that very instant with my order, and they agreed that it would be okay for me to actually pay for my food before I left. While I was at the cash register, they amused themselves by talking to each other.

Native #1: “Do you think the police know about these devil computers?”

Native #2: “If they come from California, then the FBI oughta know about ‘em.”

They escorted me to the door. I tried one last time: “You’re really blowing this all out of proportion. A lot of people use this `kind of computers.’ Universities, researchers, businesses. They’re actually very useful.”

Big, big, BIG mistake. I should have guessed at what came next.

Native: “Does the government use these devil computers?”

Me: “Yes.”

Another BIG boo-boo.

Native: “And does the government pay for ‘em? With our tax dollars?”

I decided that it was time to jump ship.

Me: “No. Nope. Not at all. You’re tax dollars never entered the picture at all. I promise. No sir, not a penny. Our good Christian congressmen would never let something like that happen. Nope. Never. Bye.”

Texas. What a country.

Source: Godless devil-worshiping evil computers [rec.humor.funny]

Sen. Hillary Clinton is arguing that she is ahead of rival Sen. Barack Obama when it comes to the popular vote.

“I’m very proud that as of today, I have received more votes by the people who have voted than anyone else,” Clinton said Wednesday, one day after her decisive win in Pennsylvania.

Not so fast, says Obama’s campaign. Clinton’s count includes her wins in Michigan and Florida, but the Democratic presidential candidates agreed not to campaign in those states because they violated party rules by scheduling their contests too early.

Obama didn’t even have his name on the Michigan ballot, so he received no votes from that contest.

“We think that, in the end, if we end up having won twice as many states and having the most votes, then we should be the nominee,” Obama said.

If Michigan and Florida are counted, Clinton is ahead by 100,000 votes — 15.1 million to Obama’s 15 million. Without those states, Obama has a 500,000 vote lead, 14.4 million to 13.9 million.

Clinton says she has received more votes than any Democratic candidate in history.

“It’s a very close race, but if you count, as I count, the 2.3 million people who voted in Michigan and Florida, then we are going to build on that,” the New York senator said.

Obama’s campaign manager said he doesn’t expect the Illinois senator to lose his lead by June 3, the date of the last contest.

Read more: Clinton says she leads in popular vote - CNN.com

Reflecting what seemed to be the main consensus of the night - that ABC botched this debate, big time - Charlie Gibson tells the crowd there will be one more, superfluous commercial break of the night and is subsequently jeered.

“OH…” he declares, hands raised in defense. “The crowd is turning on me, the crowd is turning on me.”

Off camera, observers let out their frustrations.

Read more: ABC Hosts Heckled After Debate: “The Crowd Is Turning On Me” - Media on The Huffington Post

Bitter, and proud of it. Clinton says we’re ‘resilient,’ but we can’t take it any more. McCain says ‘let em eat Lemons,’ but what we really need is a leader who can turn lemons into lemonade: Barack Obama.

One of the most refreshing things about Barack Obama is his fearlessness when it comes to voicing a hard truth. It’s an ice cold glass of unsweetened lemonade: hard to swallow, but unmistakably pure. The truth is, if you aren’t bitter, you’re probably voting for someone who is going to give us more of what we’ve been getting all along. And all Clinton and McCain seem to be saying is “Let them eat Lemons.”

Both Clinton and McCain’s response to Barack’s comments about voters were incredibly elitist, which is funny since that seemed to be their charge. Hillary said we aren’t bitter, we’re resilient. In other words, we can take it, right? We can take our wages being frozen while the cost of living doubles. We can take lucrative jobs packing up and moving overseas. We can take the oil companies turning less than a 20% increase in operating expense into a 200% increase in profits. Hey, it’s all part of being American. We take a beating and still wake up with a smile on our faces. Since Clinton is so sure the voters are just hunky dory with the way things are going, what would be her imperative to bring rapid and meaningful change? Clinton is completely out of touch. Hilldog, the thousands of people losing their homes right now aren’t feeling very tough. They’re feeling pretty bitter.

Read more: You’re Darn Right I’m Bitter - Bitter Voters For Obama

Since the dawn of time, geeks have been playing harmless pranks on their beloved (but unsuspecting) associates, and it’s up to all of us to carry the torch forward. On the eve of April Fools’ Day, when you’ve got local network access to your coworkers’ and family systems, cubicles just crying out to be filled with packing peanuts, and webapps that can do all sorts of things automatically, there’s no better time to baffle, confuse, perplex, and just plain mess with your loved ones and associates. Hit the jump for our top 10 favorite harmless geek pranks, just in time to get your prankster pistons firing for today.

Read more: Lifehacker Top 10: Top 10 Harmless Geek Pranks

When his friends got suspended from school sports because of photos showing them drinking from red cups, Dustin Zebro decided to mount a protest of sorts: he invited scores of kids to a kegger party, which got busted by the cops.

But the kids got the last laugh, and here’s why:

Cars lining the street. A house full of young people. A keg and drinking games inside. Police thought they had an underage boozing party on their hands.

But though they made dozens of teens take breath tests, none tested positive for alcohol. That’s because the keg contained root beer.

The party was held by a high school student who wanted to show that teens don’t always drink alcohol at their parties.

Source: Neatorama » Blog Archive » Cops Bust a (Root) Beer Kegger Party

Source: Digg 2028 - Sharenator.com

“In July 2007, Richard Doherty of the Envisioneering Group (BD Standards Board) declared: ‘BD , unlike AACS which suffered a partial hack last year, won’t likely be breached for 10 years.’ Only eight months have passed since that bold statement, and Slysoft has done it again. According to the press release, the latest version of their flagship product AnyDVD HD can automatically remove BD protection and allows you to back-up any Blu-ray title on the market.”

Source: Slashdot | Blu-ray BD+ Cracked

LOL.

Wednesday morning, the Clinton campaign sent reporters and bloggers covering the campaign a statement that consisted of questions and comments under the title of “Keystone Test: Obama Losing Ground.”The Obama campaign’s communications department decided to annotate those questions and comments with some comments of their own… and boy, they held nothing back.

Below you’ll find the annotated e-mail that has been making the rounds of the media. The Obama campaign’s comments are in bold.

To: Interested Parties
From: Clinton Campaign
Date: Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Re: Keystone Test: Obama Losing Ground [Get ready for a good one.]
The path to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue goes through Pennsylvania so if Barack Obama can’t win there, how will he win the general election?

[Answer: I suppose by holding obviously Democratic states like California and New York, and beating McCain in swing states like Colorado, Iowa, Minnesota, Missouri, Virginia and Wisconsin where Clinton lost to Obama by mostly crushing margins. But good question.]

After setbacks in Ohio and Texas, Barack Obama needs to demonstrate that he can win the state of Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is the last state with more than 15 electoral votes on the primary calendar and Barack Obama has lost six of the seven other largest states so far — every state except his home state of Illinois.

[If you define "setback" as netting enough delegates out of our 20-plus-point wins in Mississippi and Wyoming to completely erase any delegate advantage the Clinton campaign earned out of March 4th, then yeah, we feel pretty setback.]

Pennsylvania is of particular importance, along with Ohio, Florida and Michigan, because it is dominated by the swing voters who are critical to a Democratic victory in November. No Democrat has won the presidency without winning Pennsylvania since 1948. And no candidate has won the Democratic nomination without winning Pennsylvania since 1972.

[What the Clinton campaign secretly means: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT WE'VE LOST 14 OF THE LAST 17 CONTESTS AND SAID THAT MICHIGAN AND FLORIDA WOULDN'T COUNT FOR ANYTHING. Also, we're still trying to wrap our minds around the amazing coincidence that the only "important" states in the nominating process are the ones that Clinton won.]

But the Obama campaign has just announced that it is turning its attention away from Pennsylvania.

[Huh?]

This is not a strategy that can beat John McCain in November.

[I don't think Clinton's strategy of losing in state after state after promising more of the same politics is working all that well either.]

In the last two weeks, Barack Obama has lost ground among men, women, Democrats, independents and Republicans — all of which point to a candidacy past its prime.

["A candidacy past its prime." These guys kill me.]

For example, just a few weeks ago, Barack Obama won 68% of men in Virginia, 67% in Wisconsin and 62% in Maryland. He won 60% of Virginia women and 55% of Maryland women. He won 62% of independents in Maryland, 64% in Wisconsin and 69% in Virginia. Obama won 59% of Democrats in Maryland, 53% in Wisconsin and 62% in Virginia. And among Republicans, Obama won 72% in both Virginia and Wisconsin.

But now Obama’s support has dropped among all these groups.

[That's true, if you don't count all the winning we've been up to. As it turns out, it's difficult to maintain 40-point demographic advantages, even over Clinton]

In Mississippi, he won only 25% of Republicans and barely half of independents. In Ohio, he won only 48% of men, 41% of women and 42% of Democrats. In Texas, he won only 49% of independents and 46% of Democrats. And in Rhode Island, Obama won just 33% of women and 37% of Democrats.

[I'm sympathetic to their attempt to parse crushing defeats. And I'm sure Rush Limbaugh's full-throated endorsement of Clinton didn't make any difference. Right]

Why are so many voters turning away from Barack Obama in state after state?

[You mean besides the fact that we're ahead in votes, states won and delegates?]

In the last few weeks, questions have arisen about Obama’s readiness to be president. In Virginia, 56% of Democratic primary voters said Obama was most qualified to be commander-in-chief. That number fell to 37% in Ohio, 35% in Rhode Island and 39% in Texas.

[Only the Clinton campaign could cherry pick states like this. But in contrast to their logic, in the most recent contest of Mississippi, voters said that Obama was more qualified to be commander in chief than Clinton by a margin of 55-42.]

So the late deciders — those making up their minds in the last days before the election — have been shifting to Hillary Clinton. Among those who made their decision in the last three days, Obama won 55% in Virginia and 53% in Wisconsin, but only 43% in Mississippi, 40% in Ohio, 39% in Texas and 37% in Rhode Island.

[If only there were enough late deciders for the Clinton campaign to actually be ahead, they would really be on to something.]

If Barack Obama cannot reverse his downward spiral with a big win in Pennsylvania, he cannot possibly be competitive against John McCain in November.

[If they are defining downward spiral as a series of events in which the Clinton campaign has lost more votes, lost more contests and lost more delegates to us ... I guess we will have to suffer this horribly painful slide all the way to the nomination and then on to the White House.]

[Thanks for the laughs guys. This was great.]

Source: NPR: Obama Campaign Skewers Clinton E-mail Statement
See also: Clinton Memo on Pennsylvania

Former top Bush aide Karl Rove didn’t get the friendliest of receptions at the University of Iowa Sunday, CNN affiliate KCRG reports.

Rove, who was paid $40,000 to speak at the University, was confronted with an at-times hostile crowd of 1,000, and was interrupted on several occasions.

At one point during the speech, Rove reportedly lashed out at some of the students, saying, “You got a chance to ask your questions later and make your stupid statements, let me make mine.”

Police also were forced to remove two people after they tried to perform a citizen’s arrest on Rove for what they said were his crimes while a member of the Bush Administration.

At one point, a person asked Rove if he has ever shed a tear over the war in Iraq.

“I shed a lot of tears and I have been inspired by many of the people who feel their son or daughter should not have to die in vain,” he replied.

Toward the end of the speech a member of the crowd yelled, “Can we have our $40,000 back?”

Rove replied, “No, you cant.”

Source: CNN Political Ticker: All politics, all the time Blog Archive - Rove taunted at University of Iowa

We’ve all said it: “I’m not that dumb, but…”

Well, I don’t think you’ve said this:

I’m not that dumb that a dumb person can read my dumb mind.

- Suresh

My employer specializes in creating websites for middle-sized businesses. We rarely create “Mom’n'Pops” websites and generally don’t pursue contracts with major corporations. Working with mid-size business has given me the opportunity to speak with executives and “decision-makers” within each business. Our discussions eventually end up with the other person telling me about their previous web developers and how their currently site is ineffective as a sales to or representation of the business. There are some definitive characteristics about my customers’ previous web persons and without further adieu, I give you 9 signs you shouldn’t hire THAT web guy.

Read more: 9 Signs You Shouldn’t Hire THAT Web Guy | CSS Zone

“Remember when I grabbed your resources at the beginning of class?”

“…and then I returned them.”

- Dr. Lee

By Eugene Robinson
Friday, February 22, 2008; Page A23

Humor me while we conduct a little thought experiment. Imagine that Barack Obama had lost 10 contests in a row. Imagine that he now trailed Hillary Clinton substantially in the number of Democratic primaries and caucuses won, in total votes cast, in pledged convention delegates, in the overall delegate count, in fundraising and in the ineffable attribute called mojo. Imagine that Obama was struggling, at this late hour, to come up with the right message. What would the conventional wisdom say?

That it was over, of course. That Obama was toast. That staking everything on the March 4 primaries in Ohio and Texas was a starry-eyed hope, not a plan, and that it was time to smell the coffee.

Whenever Obama faced reporters, he’d have to answer tough questions. Why was he carrying on, knowing that he’d have to win by unrealistically large margins in all the remaining states to catch up? Didn’t it worry him that relying on the superdelegates — the Democratic establishment, basically — to hand him the nomination could divide and weaken the party? Wasn’t he concerned that Republican John McCain has such a head start in unifying his party and plotting his general election campaign?

The above, you will have noticed, is an accurate description of where Clinton stands right now. Yet nobody is forcing her to respond publicly to those painful questions. The reason is obvious: She’s Hillary Clinton, and history suggests it’s foolish to count out a Clinton until the last dog dies.

Read more: Eugene Robinson - If Obama Went 0-for-10 . . . - washingtonpost.com

I found this quite entertaining:

Sometimes it’s hard to come up with a full-length, balls-to-the-wall rant, but a lot of “too long for Twitter, too short for a whole post” ideas float in and out of my head all the time. Here’s 10 things every adult really ought to know, but a lot of people are apparently just too fucking stupid to figure out:

1. Having sex can cause pregnancy. This one seems too obvious to mention, but judging from the number of accidental children in the world, I thought it bore repeating. Nothing is 100% effective against pregnancy except abstinence, or the removal of your ovaries or testicles. (Incidentally, abortion is still legal in the US and most of Europe, just in case.)
2. If you cover your face with piercing jewelry, you may not be able to find a job. This also goes for doing weird things to your hair, and getting tattoos in conspicuous places. And for fuck’s sake, don’t give me any bullshit about “freedom of expression”, you little dumbass. You go right ahead and express yourself all you want, but body modification is not a constitutionally protected belief system. They can’t not hire you for being a Jew, but they certainly can not hire you for looking like a fucking freak. (caveat: I have both piercings and tattoos … nothing against tattoos, piercings or fucking freaks. Just don’t whine about it when you’re treated like one.)
3. It’s 2008. Racism is seriously outdated. That means, yes Virginia, it is TOTALLY FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE to refer to that black guy on TV as a “junglebunny.” Also, don’t use the word “they” as though black folks are some separate species who all think and act the same way. They’re “They” are humans, not dogs. And do I really need to remind you that “nigger” is a bad word?! Here’s a nice rule of thumb for you, dearie: If you wouldn’t say it to a black person’s face, you probably shouldn’t be saying it at all. (For those of you who really don’t get it, this also applies to spics, pakis, chinks, gooks, jews kikes, towelheads, and anyone else you care to slander.)

(more…)

Thursday, October 27, 2005;

Ben S. Bernanke does not think the national housing boom is a bubble that is about to burst, he indicated to Congress last week, just a few days before President Bush nominated him to become the next chairman of the Federal Reserve.

Read more: Bernanke: There’s No Housing Bubble to Go Bust

Dear Citizens of America,

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

(more…)

Conversation with Suresh on Mon 11 Feb 2008 11:34:38 AM CST:
(11:34:47 AM) Mark: once a straight always a straight

______________________________________________

(11:37:05 AM) You feel a disturbance in the force…
(11:37:09 AM) Suresh: no I can turn them gay

Mr. McCain has 703 delegates so far, Mr. Huckabee, 190, and Mr. Paul, 42.

Mr. McCain is far enough ahead in the delegate race that his advisers have said it would be all but impossible for anyone else to win the nomination. His other chief contender, Mitt Romney, bowed to those odds when he suspended his campaign on Thursday.

But Mr. Huckabee, a pastor before he became governor of Arkansas, said, “I didn’t major in math. I majored in miracles, and I still believe in them, too.”

Source

GENEVA—In what observers are calling an unprecedented opportunity for the international community to express its grievances against Iran’s controversial leader, dozens of world leaders and key U.N. delegates gathered Saturday to roast Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

The event, which took place beneath U.N. headquarters in the historic Geneva Friars Club, brought together the heads of every G8 member state, as well as some of today’s top foreign policy makers and peace brokers. Roastmaster and former U.N. secretary general Kofi Annan kicked off the evening by welcoming President Ahmadinejad to “what [was] sure to be the first and last time Mahmoud would ever be surrounded by 72 virgins.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, and Tony Blair, we stand here in the presence of one of the most vicious and destructive forces in the world today—but enough about Bea Arthur,” said Annan, gesturing with a tumbler of Makers Mark across the long white tables of chuckling diplomats to the former Golden Girls star. “Some people here tonight will tell you that Mahmoud refuses to engage in diplomatic talks, that he is the most ruthless stonewaller who has ever lived. Well, those people have obviously never met my first wife.”

World Leaders Gather To Roast Mahmoud Ahmadinejad | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source

If only this guy were cool….

Suresh: I guess nothing of what I am saying is making any sense.
Mark: No, I was just thinking how gay you are.
Suresh: I am what I am. I’m a big big gay.

Suresh: “Ok, I’m seriously going.”

Mark: “What? You’re seriously gay?”

Suresh: “I could make you gay.”

10. “Einstein was wrong when he said “God does not play dice”. Consideration of black holes suggests, not only that God does play dice, but that He sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can’t be seen.”

9. “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.”

8. “My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”

7. “I find that American & Scandinavian accents work better with women.” In response to a question about the American accent of his synthesiser.

6. “Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. In the end, however, I did put in one equation, Einstein’s famous equation, E = mc2. I hope that this will not scare off half of my potential readers.”

5. “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”

4. “To show this diagram properly, I would really need a four dimensional screen. However, because of government cuts, we could manage to provide only a two dimensional screen.”

3. “Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”

2. “The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.”

1. “Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.”

Stephen Hawking’s Quotations - The Land Salmon

“Sounds like Batman, Superman, and Golconda”