A page for randomness

I finally feel like updatin this damned thing. I dunno…too much stuff happens for me to write in here so I just feel like I would never remember half of it, so I just say screw it.

But I feel like writing now…..weird.

[Begin Rambling]
t.g. break is good. I’m enjoying the pause from school. So far I’ve been pretty lazy, which is what I had intended (and do some homework, but I haven’t done that). I basically done nothing so far, and intend to keep it that way.

There is this one side note, though. This may sound trivial, but I’ve reinstalled windows on my damn computer 5 times, bc
it is being a stupid and won’t stop with random bsod’s. Oh well..i should just break the living crap out of it, but I won’t, cuz I need something to do hw on. Ha.

Ashley came to visit me tonight. It’s always good to see her, bc we talk about random stuff in our lives and whatnot. It’s strange how our ways and paths become more defined as we grow…it is interesting the choices that your friends and
people have made, and where they are now. My cousin is cool, I enjoy talking to her, we always did get along pretty well, even when my mom babysat us.

Everytime I talk to her, I feel as if I have a reality check. I don’t know why, but I just all of a sudden feel weird. I think to myself and conclude that what I am, and how I behave is so different from what I used to be, somewhat rebel-ish. But then I talk to her and I feel that all of those things are little, and trivial and don’t really matter…basically I conclude that I am the equivalent of a loser. But I shouldn’t and I guess I do and don’t at the same time. In some ways I have remained “pure” are whatever you wanna call it, and I want to do something productive with my life. I suppose the weird feeling is from me not completely knowing myself and feeling a void from lack of experiencing certain things.

Changing the subject….school has been good. I am such a different person there from what I am here (here being my home). I guess what it is…it’s me without having to hold back my true personality. Here I have to restrain myself and be something that I really am not…which I hate doing, even though I do it pretty well. I feel that I have no stress, no cares (other than schoolwork), and it just makes me feel the equivalent of being free, emotionally. I feel trapped when im here.

I am so different from my family. I get along with them, now, but I see how different I really am from them. Mainly im
talking about my parents. They are living their dream life I suppose…they spend all their time dealing with church and spending time with the pastor and his wife, and they are caught up in the whole god idea. I see all types of people, people that are religious, yet live their lives how they want, maybe with some minor restriction. The parentals, its different, their live is based off of what some book tells them and they feel that they must follow every damn line in it so strictly and to the point, even if it means that they will have to sacrifice doing certain things or whatnot…all for the hope that when they die, they will be looked upon as “good” and they will be able to make up for certain joys they could not have here, in an eternal plane that they believe they will wake up to.

Who knows whether or not there is a heaven, or that people live eternally after they die, or that they do not live eternally. I simply cannot prove either way. It is within every person to come to that decision. Mine is more logical…theirs is more emotional.

 Not quite sure where im gonna go to college….i’ve basically narrowed it down to either texas a&m or la tech. At la tech, I can pretty much go for free, and get extra cash from tops. Texas a&m offers quite a few scholarships that I am eligible for, but I don’t know if they will cover the cost well enough. It kinda sucks that my family doesn’t have the finances for me to not worry about this stuff. In fact, I worry a lot about it, and it is one of the reasons why I’m not going to Georgia tech, even though I would love to go there to have a rigorous academic program. It seems a few of my close friends will be going to a&m as well…like haiqiao and andy and quizbowl and I think nick too, but im not sure on that one.

Finally home…its been a month, but this weekend is extended, so I guess I had no choice. I went to andy’s last night and chilled w/ him…..it had been a month since I saw him as well. I got my hair chopped off this morning, well….a lot anyways, I
look somewhat different.

The winterformal was awesome. I had fun. Jenny and I went out to eat at dominiques along with a bunch of friends…conan, dipal, alicia, aj, Jessie, haiqiao, kellen, april, ronak, neelam…and a few others. We all decided to just let the school bring us there since there were so many people, so they brought us in two minivans. Since I was dj’ing the dance, I was supposed to be back in time to start the music, but just in case I set a timer on musicmatch so that the music would start without me ;). Somehow the vans forgot we were there (of course!) and mrs emily (director of student affairs) was freakin out cuz we weren’t there (with good reason) and they called the restaurant and hurried to come get us right at 8…..as I explained to richard that I had it covered. When we got to the dance, the music had already started like I set it, but I was still paranoid that it wouldn’t…….but it did. Since we couldn’t get nsu’s ballroom this year, we had to use our gym….but they made it look nice by putting a lot of decorations. The dance went well, and jenny got junior queen or some title like that. After the dance was over, I got to stay and help set up for the after party….we revamped the gym for a halloween setting. It was pretty tight. There were strobes, fog machines, black lights, spider webs, pumpkins, a coffin, and stuff like that. A mother of one of the students donated a bunch of the stuff, so that was cool. The after party was even better than the dance, I guess cuz I just let it all go……just like everyone else.

Science qb official tryouts are this week…and the pre-cut has me on team A, I really really hope I make team A……a lot. josh and phi convinced me to sign up to be the math editor for folio, since the only other person that signed up was shoib. School has been busy, but fun. This year im a lot more involved in a lot more things, and it makes me feel good that I am. Other than the usual day to day school work and social stuff…..not too much has been goin on. But the day to day stuff is a lot in itself….so im pretty occupied with either school work or friends…..never a dull moment.

I’m glad I have this weekend break though….it helps. Ash said she might come by and visit me today, that’d be cool….haven’t seen her in a while either.

I can’t wait for the matrix revolutions to come out…….but I won’t be able to come down and see it with andy cuz my mom told me next weekend is an academic required one…….and even if not, my whole family is not going to be here…so I’d have to stay at someone’s house, and I don’t know whose that would be…..

Oh well…..finally got my update out, I have other stuff to do…